Ā Wordcount: 542 Time to read: 3Ā½ minutes
Itās not about physical space, itās about emotional and intellectual space. When time is short, itās easy to push too hard and make people shut down. Thinking is hard work and takes time. Remember to allow space for people to think and process.Ā I was recently asked by a participant in a planning effort to āgive them more space.ā
We were in a sufficiently roomy area, and I had no idea what they were talking about. Eventually we delved into a discussion about it, and I was schooled.
All but one of the participants were traveling, it had taken months to coordinate this face-to-face gathering, and we had a lot to do and little time to do it. I was moving the group as fast as I could, peppering them with questions and pressing for responses.Ā What I wasnāt doing was giving them time to think and process.
For me, the interesting piece of this issue is with the lost relationship of space and time. Itās not about physical space, itās about emotional and intellectual space.
Itās a classic consulting conundrum. We often have little time to achieve our objectives when working, particularly with diverse groups. But this to me seems to be a bigger problem than a consultantās problem.
When I ask a question, Iāve had the luxury of time to think about it and frame it properly. The person Iām asking may have no clue what Iāve been thinking about, and even if they have, they probably donāt understand where my question came from, why I need an answer, mitigating factors, context, or exactly what type of answer Iām looking for.
Addressing this problem in that moment meant, for me, getting my questions in writing, not stream of consciousness, and giving people time to think and reflect before answering. That meant a lot of silence, often leaving a question, and coming back to it when responses were ready.
At that moment, my understanding was limited, so I had to act without having time to thoroughly think this space concern through. Changing my behavior took effort and patience, for all of us, and it did help. Our work products were better, and people were more relaxed. While I wasnāt perfect, there was less frustration in the room.
In my experience, this disconnect between questioner and respondent, what we often refer to as communication, happens a lot. Itās why so many famous people are credited with saying something like āThe biggest problem with communication is the assumption it has happened.ā When it hit me, the awareness was a bit of a shock.
As a leader, are you frustrated when you have questions and want answers? Do you give your direct reports sufficient space to think and process when asking questions? Are you suffocating the very people you're trying to help? Let's face itāyour pace might be the problem.
Time and space aren't just about physical distance. They shape how others experience you, and if youāre anything like me, too often, you might be moving too fast to notice, possibly leaving some of the best answers unspoken.
Do yourself a favor, start being more present and aware when you engage with people. Recognize when you make an ask of someone and be sure to give them the āspaceā to respond in a way that actually helps both of you. Life is too short to live it running at full speed, you just miss too much. So, slow down and make space for others and yourself.
If you want more information or to just talk about how to create space ā¦
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